Ambiguous Loss
Friends, I’m excited to share my first mini episode with you. These episodes are going to be little nuggets that come from inspiration from my personal and work life that I feel could really help you, too.
Today's audio diary is inspired by a post that I answered in a Facebook group I'm in. A mama was really, really struggling and I introduced her to the concept of ambiguous loss.
The textbook definition of ambiguous loss is a loss that occurs without closure or clear understanding.
An example of this is when someone older gets dementia. They have not passed away, but they're not there. It’s easy to wonder, you know, how do I enter in this grieving process when it's not a typical grieving process? People are not seeing it or acknowledging it like they would if that person had passed away, but you are still fully allowed to have your grieving process.
That's the official definition of ambiguous loss, but I have taken it a step further and really given myself permission in my life to grieve all loss, even when it is ambiguous or tiny. Even if it's something that's not traditional and especially when it's hidden or unseen. We have to still grant ourselves empathy and that sympathy, knowing that it is totally horrible that you have lost this thing that was really important to you.
Let me give you some examples of things in your life that you can give yourself permission to grieve.
I work only with women and a lot of times, women with children or older dependents, people that they have to care for. Often, when things shift in life, we are the ones that are responsible for cutting back on our work or the things that we love in order to care more for our children or our elderly family. While a lot of times we can make the best of it, I know that personally in seasons of my life, where I have had to cut back on my work. With that, I’ve also grieved because my work really fulfills me and I enjoy making an impact and it really fuels my soul.
>> So, in those moments, I really gave myself permission to go through the five stages of grief to process through it.
What I find is when we don't give ourselves permission to grieve little things, they become big things. We think that the thing may be small and we don’t want to make it a big issue, but often leaving it under the surface is what builds resentment and is what makes it a big issue.
>> Processing it and looking at it, even if it's for five minutes or 30 minutes, is what allows a small thing to stay a small thing.
Remember the five stages of grief are denial, anger, depression, or sadness, bargaining and acceptance. What I encourage you to do when there's something in your life that you have lost, literally look at the five stages and I ask yourself, how am I feeling about it today? Am I feeling sad? Am I feeling really pissed off?
>> Make those emotions okay and safe to feel no matter how tiny it is.
I want you to hear this from me right now, as you're listening to this, is there something in your life that went different than you thought that that was a loss for you? Something that you thought would go one way and went a completely other way that you really wanted to happen, that you really put your heart into?
I want to give you permission to grieve it. Yes. Move on. Yes. Take action. Yes. Look at the positives. Yes. Be grateful. But today that's not your task today is to look at these five stages and to give yourself permission, to feel whatever is coming up for you and maybe even share it with a friend.
I hope this helps bring you to a safer place, a place where you feel confident about the way you’re feeling so you can make the next best step. Let me know, I’d love to hear.
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PS: In the midst of this challenging time I’ve been asking myself what I can do to help? One of the #1 ways I support my clients is by helping them simplify their business so that they can increase the flow of money without creating extra work. In this season simplified visibility and sales is needed more than ever.
So if you’re craving personal support as you reposition your free and paid work, I’d love to help you simplify your sales process so that you can produce income in your business even during a challenging time. If you want support you can check out my services and book a free discovery call here, or you can send me a DM on Instagram.